Joke muna

PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines, another from Mexico and an American. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Filipino contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, asks, "What? You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??"

"Easy," the Pinoy explains, "you see, sir, it's $1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and then we hire the guy from Mexico".

The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Q. What's the difference between corruption in the US and corruption in the Philippines?
A. In the U.S. they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to the U.S.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Q. What`s the difference among Philippine Presidents Cory, Gloria and Erap?
A. Cory can`t tell a lie
Gloria can`t tell the truth
Erap can`t tell the difference

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

REPORTER: "Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po ang next step na gagawin ninyo??"
Police: "DNA na..."
REPORTER: "sir, ano po yung DNA?"
Police: "Di Namin Alam"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano

ANAK: "'Tay! Tay! ayon o Krus, nasa itaas. Ang laking krus!"
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): "Nakita mo ng krus eh! Sige, lumuhod tayo!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bobo-1: "Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?"
Bobo-2: "Hindi eh! ano ba pare?"
Bobo-1: "Lowbat pare! Lowbat!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

TEACHER: "Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?"
STUDENT: "Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak sa araw ng holiday!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

ERAP: "Isauli ko 'tong nabili kong DVD."
FPJ: "Anong ba'ng problema?"
ERAP: "Kasi walang picture, 'tsaka walang sound. Sayang, suspense thriller pa yata 'to. Tsk, tsk..."
FPJ: "Anong title niyang DVD?"
ERAP: "The Lens Cleaner"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

PROMDI: "'Lam ko promdi lang ako kaya 'wag mo 'kong lolokohin! Bakit ganito ang k'warto ko? Maliit, wala pang kama at bintana... ha?"
ROOMBOY: "Sir, nasa elevator pa lang po tayo..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jun-Jun: "Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!"
Inay: "Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?"
Jun-Jun: "Sino ang walang assignment?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Titser: "Ano ang hugis ng mundo?"
Juan: "Kuwadrado po, maam!"
Titser: "Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog."
Juan: "Pero ma'am, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok ng mundo. May sulok po ba ang bilog?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Boss asks sexy secretary to a dinner after overtime:

"Are you free tonight?" The sexy secretary replies: "Sir, naman... huwag naman FREE ... Bibigyan na lang kita ng discount!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Eliseo: "Sobra na talaga ang katangahan ng kumare mo. Ang akala niya, ang LAWSUIT ay uniporme ng pulis!"
Joshua: "Sus! Tanga nga! Eh di ba, uniporme ng abugado yun?"