Dad: Child's MP3 Player Came With Porn

AP

Posted: 2007-12-28 07:05:58

COOKEVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A father gave his 10-year-old daughter a Christmas present that would make Santa blush.

Now Daryl Hill wants to know why an MP3 video player he bought at a Wal-Mart in Sparta was preloaded with pornography and explicit songs.

Hill bought three of the players as Christmas presents for his children. He said one of the devices had apparently been returned to the store from a previous owner who loaded sex clips and songs with lyrics about using drugs.

"Within 10 minutes, my daughter was crying," Hill said Thursday. "I wish I could take the thoughts and images out of her head."

Hill questioned why Wal-Mart Stores Inc. would sell used merchandise as new, which he said violates its own policies.

A company spokesman said in an e-mail to WSMV-TV of Nashville that stores are not supposed to return opened packages to the sales floor and that the matter was under investigation.

Hill said he declined Wal-Mart's offer to replace the MP3 player. He said he has already bought his daughter a new one and is hanging onto the controversial one until he talks to a lawyer.

Kris Aquino Love

Kris Aquino Love

Why We Need Belts to Prevent Accidents

click here

Deal or No Deal

Part 1

Kris: Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

Kris: Oo naman. I’m sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.

Inday: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

Part 2

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

Inday: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga mechanics (bulong sa sarili).

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

[Yung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris: Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestants naten ay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time magbubukas ng case.

Inday: Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add “ER” to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!

Part 3

Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso… Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday: Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!! LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng “Lower”?

Inday: Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20 buksan na rin para matapos na. [naiirita na]

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday]

[nag-ring ang phone]

Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I’m not interested in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It’s quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal.

part 4… dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 22 please.



Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!

[ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]



Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I’m not interested in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It’s quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal.

part 5

Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn. Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.
Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)



Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.

Nanghinayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?

Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng “No Deal”, ang iba naman ay “Deal”.

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to? Ayokonaaa….

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?



Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng mukha”…bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight.

BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]

'The Sweet Escape

Happy Halloween

Conversations ni Inday with Ricky Lo

She is now becoming one of the fastest rising Internet stars today amassing a number of followers all over the world mostly Filipinos . Already surpassing Ederlyn, Yuga, the Numa Numa boy, the Chinese Backstreet Boys and even Casey and her cam.

Inday is getting a lot of popularity today mostly from word of mouth, SMS and e-mails. Her witty comments regarding her life as a domestic helper has already brought laughter and uncontrollable nosebleeds to us.

RL: Inday, thank you for accepting this interview, how are you feeling right now?

Inday: You might expect me to be flabbergasted or nervous with all the attention I’m getting right now. Actually, I’m not. I know from that very first text message that this is going to be inevitable. Even now the media is already interested in my fame that they sent you to interview me thinking that you can comprehend each and every word that I say.

RL: [nagpunas ng ilong] Uhmm, ahh I see… so with all your uhh academic credentials, what made you decide just to be a domestic helper?

Inday: Well, what do you expect me to be? A lawyer? A politician? A newscaster? Oh come on, you’re all so predictable. Have you met a domestic helper that has a medical degree, is a world-class culinary artist, has a degree in Business Management, a certified public accountant and consistent Best in English for four years in high school?

RL: Uhhm, ahh I guess not.

Inday: Well there you go. That’s what sets me apart and makes me unique from all the rest and I guess it’s something that you just can’t fathom.

RL: [tuluyan nang nag-nosebleed]

Inday: I guess this is the end of this interview. I still have to prepare our evening victuals and update my blog. Tatah! Hi nga pala to my love, Dodong! I love you babes.

Official Google Blog: Free IMAP for Gmail

Official Google Blog: Free IMAP for Gmail

Songs of Love & Healing

High School Musical all night …

I just got tired of it… care to sing along? grrr

• Start of Something New• Get'cha Head in the Game• What I've Been Looking For• What I've Been Looking For (Reprise)• Stick to the Status Quo• When There Was Me and You• Bop to the Top• Breaking Free• We're All in This Together• I Can't Take My Eyes Off You

Umbrella of KC

Here is a slower version

Umbrella ella ella ella e

Rihanna Lyrics
Umbrella Lyrics

Story of Inday

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa

probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang
katulong sa Maynila. Habang
ini-interview ng amo

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag
ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba,
magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng
mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?




Inday: I believe that my trained skills
and expertise in management with the use
of standard tools, and my discipline and
experience will contribute significantly
to the value of the work that you want,
my creativity, productivity and
work-efficiency and the high quality of
outcomes I can offer will boost the work
progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang
amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless
aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered
architectural design of our kitchen
lavatory affected the boy's cranium with
a slight boil at the left temple near
the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you
see, it seems that the increased amount
of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the
taste drastically and those actions are
irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko,
nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see
me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si
junior sa principal's office dahil di
makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang
kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact
that he will inflict a fight. I can only
imagine how you handle schizophrenic
kids on this educational institution.
Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo,
galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa
likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns
might have occurred wrecking havoc to
the surroundings. The way the debris are
scattered indicates that the gust of
wind was going northeast causing damage
to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan,
malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is
bound to result in property damages and
if that happens there will be
corresponding punishment to be inflicted
upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang
nagdudugong ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si
Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel
Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave
not because of selfish reasons but
because they just know that things will
get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can
be a tough act, and it's harder when
people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday.
Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay,
gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of
acquaintance, my unfathomable statement
to the denial of your request - Petition
denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong,
nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di
tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at
nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love
you but you have the provocations. The
way you smile is the proximate cause why
I love you. We have some rules to think
of. We have no vested rights to love
each other because the upper household
dismissed my petition!

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what
you seem to contrive as any affections
for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was
merely attempting to expand my network
of interests by involving you in my
daily recreation. Heretofor, you can
expect an end to any verbal articulation
from myself

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig
ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero: Be careful in letting go of
the things you thought are just nothing
because maybe someday you'll realize
that the one you gave away is the very
thing you want to stay.

.

Thank You

For your thoughtful offerings of masses, flowers and assistance.
For the solace and comfort that your presence afforded us.
For sharing our belief that Mama has claimed her inheritance of Eternal Life.
For uniting with us in prayer for her union with our Heavenly Father.

Thank You and God Bless!

When You're Gone

This is the song being played when I learned about the bad news. Coincidence?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otMB3WVQNVg

When You're Gone
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
mMm

Condom Fashion Show in Beijing

Condom Fashion Show in Beijing

Insanely Modified

Insanely Modified

10 pictures shared

Reason to Smile

Every Little Smile can touch Somebody's heart

May U find hundreds of reasons to smile today and

May U be the reason for someone else to smile always

Have a nice day......

Welcome to eTelecare

eTelecare GLOBAL SOLUTIONS TO ACQUIRE AOL'S CUSTOMER CARE AND
TECHNICAL SUPPORT SUBSIDIARY

eTelecare Will Expand E-mail, Chat and Non-Voice Offerings in the Philippines

Scottsdale, Ariz. – September 18, 2007 – eTelecare Global Solutions , Inc. (NASDAQ: ETEL), a leading provider of complex business process outsourcing ( BPO ) solutions, has entered into an agreement with AOL, a division of Time Warner Inc. to acquire all of the outstanding stock of AOL Member Services-Philippines, Inc., a wholly owned Philippines subsidiary of AOL that operates a primarily non-voice customer care and technical support delivery center near Manila. The purchase price of the subsidiary will be approximately $7.2 million . Based on expected revenues and expenses, eTelecare expects the acquisition to be accretive to earnings beginning i n 2007. The acquisition, which is expected to close at the end of September 2007, will enable eTelecare to further develop its non-voice service offerings, including e-mail and chat, by adding approximately 1,000 employees in the Philippines .

Simultaneously with the closing of the acquisition, eTelecare and AOL will enter into a new service agreement under which eTelecare will utilize its newly acquired delivery center for AOL customer support.

“The acquisition of the AOL customer care and technical support subsidiary will expand our capabilities to serve the growing email, chat and other non-voice needs of our clients and the market,” said John Harris, president and chief executive officer of eTelecare. “In addition, we are pleased to have this opportunity to work with AOL .”

About eTelecare Global Solutions

Founded in 1999, eTelecare Global Solutions is a leading provider of business process outsourcing ( BPO ) focusing on the complex, voice-based segment of customer-care services. It provides a range of services, including technical support, customer service, sales and customer retention from both onshore and offshore locations. Services are provided from delivery centers in the Philippines and in North America . Additional information is available at www.etelecare.com .

Cautionary Note Regarding Forward-Looking Statements

This press release contains forward-looking statements within the meaning of Section 27A of the Securities Act of 1933 and Section 21E of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934. Words such as "expects," "believes," "intends, "will," "estimates" and similar expressions identify such forward-looking statements. These are statements that relate to future events and include, but are not limited to, statements related to the anticipated cost and closing date of the acquisition mentioned herein, and the expansion of the company's service delivery capabilities. Forward-looking statements are subject to risks and uncertainties that could cause actual results to differ materially from those discussed in these forward-looking statements. These risks and uncertainties include, but are not limited to, our ability to manage growth, intense competition in the industry including those factors which may affect our cost advantage, wage increases, our ability to attract and retain customer service associates and other highly skilled professionals, client concentration, the underlying success of our clients and the resulting impact of any adverse developments in our clients' business including adverse litigation results as well as other risks detailed from time to time in our SEC filings, including those described in the "Risk Factors" section in our quarterly report on Form 10-Q filed with the U.S. SEC on August 10, 2007. You can locate these filings on the Investor Relations page of our website, at www.etelecare.com under the About Us/Investor Relations link. Statements included in this release are based upon information known to eTelecare as of the date of this release, and eTelecare assumes no obligation to update information contained in this press release.

http://www.etelecare.com/about/news/news96.htm

Call Center by Cambio

Call Center by Cambio

Now let’s get one thing straight
I don’t really want to work this place
But i get paid for my American accent
I got money to pay the rent

[Refrain]
This only temporary
I’m not really in a hurry
I party on morning
Work all night
Get my honey and the broke daylight

[Chorus]
I’ll be at the call center
Until something better
Comes along my way
It’s been a long long day
Hey, hey

Now let’s get one thing clear
I don't really want to be here
But they pay me for my perfect diction
I got money for my addictions

[repeat Refrain and Chorus]

Hey hey

The future is all bright
The future is alright

This is only temporary
I’m not really in a hurry
A party on morning
Work all night
Get my money when the sun shines

[repeat Chorus]

Hey hey

Thanks Erica for sharing this song

S O L D !

GMANews.TV - eTelecare to acquire AOL unit for $7.2M - Business - Official Website of GMA News and Public Affairs - Latest Ph.

Bohol Beach Club

Bohol Beach Club, nestles in Panglao Island in the Central Visayas. This is approximately thirty (30) minutes by land from Tagbilaran City. Bohol has become a popular destination for tourist, as it is blessed with natural wonders. These include sight such as the magnificent Chocolate Hills, the Hinagdanan Cave, the Loboc River and the smallest mammal in the world the Philippines' Tarsier.

Featuring Google Docs

The four liquid stages of life

joke muna!

Kodigo
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!


Alimasag
Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango 'yan, hindi alimango!"
Ulit ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango. Nahulog ang pabango
at nabasag.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, masag!"


GMA
Dumalaw si GMA sa mental hospital..
Dok: Let's welcome President Arroyo!
Pumalakpak lahat ng pasyente maliban sa isa na nasa sulok...
GMA: O, dok, bakit 'yung isa, hindi pumalakpak?
Dok: Ma'am, magaling na po siya!


Plantsa
Dok: Anong nangyari sa mga tenga mo?
Joshue: Nagpaplantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono.
Aksidenteng na-pick up ko 'yung plantsa.
Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?
Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli!


PALIMOS
Pulubi: Boss, palimos po.
Tonyo: Iinom ka o magyoyosi?
Pulubi: Wala po akong bisyo.
Tonyo: Okey. Sumama ka sa akin para malaman ng nanay ko ang nangyayari
sa taong walang bisyo


ALITAPTAP
Anak: Tatay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok!
Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita.
(Pagpatay sa ilaw, dumating ang mga alitaptap... )
Anak: Hala ka, Tatay, nagdala sila ng flashlight!


SIOPAO
Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao???
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki??????
Waitress: May itlog po sa loob.


MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang; kung
nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang. Bale
total ay 56 sweetheart.


Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's 'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!


PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary,
British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy
wife!

PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife,
German food, American home and Pinoy salary!


Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest


1 binatilyo pumasok sa isang gay bar. Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit
Nanay: ano naman ang nakita mo dun na di mo dapat makita?
Binatilyo: si Tatang po gumigiling.


Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin,
chicharon,mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).


Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka? P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.


Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na
utak ko
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.


A naked girl rode on a taxi
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
"Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo"


Wife shouting.... . "Honey mag-impake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto"
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na"


Pare 1: 'Pare, magkaiba medyas mo, isang pula at isang azul'
Pare 2: 'Ewan ko nga kung saan nabili ng misis ko ito. May isa pa nga
akong pares na ganito rin and kulay sa bahay'


Beauty contest.....
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!


Doc: Ano trabaho mo hija?
Girl: Substitute po
Doc: Hindi kaya prostitute?
Girl: Hindi po, mama ko po ang prostitute at kung may sakit siya ako
po yung substitute.. ..


Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: ' Di ko po kilala.
Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala.
Guro: Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!

WORK WORK WORK

A long time ago, there was an Emperor who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.

Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible.

Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying. Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself."

The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health , time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.

One day when we look back , we will realize that we don't really need that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.

Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition . Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.

The Best Ad War in Recent Memory --- read the text first!

Some information that you need to know before you see the ads...

1. BMW started this advertisement
2. Audi answered
3. Subaru needed to say something
4. Bentley Chairman wanted the last word.

Make sure you open the ads in the correct sequence. :)

Photos from Isdaan

My SIMS for wii

Si Inday

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo:

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.
Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [nagpakamatay]

O SYA, TAMA NA YAN AT PUNASAN MO NA ANG IYONG NOSEBLEED.

World's Biggest Dog

Guinness World Records

Hercules: The World's Biggest Dog Ever According to Guinness World Records Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of Worlds Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff and who has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.

With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural
and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just "grew"... and grew. and grew. and grew.

Kell: Slightly Smaller, But the World's Heaviest Dog . Hercules' sheer volume may have won him the Largest Dog world record, but the Heaviest Dog title still rests with Kell who weighed in at 286 pounds in August of 1999. This English Mastiff, however, only has a 32-inch neck - far less than Hercules' 38-incher. Think about that for a second though - 32 inches is a standard waist size for a man!

Proud owner Tom Scott said Kell is two years old and is expected to continue to grow for the next two years. Kell needs to be fed 100lb of beef every week, and drinks gallons of goats' milk to stay healthy...

Something Valuable to Think

1. You would achieve more, if you don't mind who gets the credit.
2. When everything else is lost, the future still remains.
3. Don't fight too much. Or the enemy would know your art of war.
4. The only job you start at the top is when you dig a grave.
5. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.
6. If you do little things well, you'll do big ones better.
7. Only thing that comes to you without effort is old age.
8. You won't get a second chance to make the first impression.
9. Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.
10. Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution.
11. If you are not failing you're not taking enough risks.
12. Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything
15. There are two kinds of failures. Those who think and never do, and those who do and never think.
16. Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
17. All progress has resulted from unpopular decisions.
18. Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Understanding proves intelligence, not the speed of the learning.
19. There are two kinds of fools in this world. Those who give advice and those who don't take it.
20. The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting
21. Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.
22. Friendship founded on business is always better than business founded on friendship.

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift...Thrown away…
Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

10 things you didnt know about Nokia

1) The ringtone “Nokia tune” is actually based on a 19th century guitar work named “Gran Vals” by Spanish musician Francisco Tárrega. The Nokia Tune was originally named “Grande Valse” on Nokia phones but was changed to “Nokia Tune” around 1998 when it became so well known that people referred to it as the “Nokia Tune.”

2) The world’s first commercial GSM call was made in 1991 in Helsinki over a Nokia-supplied network, by Prime Minister of Finland Harri Holkeri, using a Nokia phone.

3) Nokia is currently the world’s largest digital camera manufacturer, as the sales of its camera-equipped mobile phones have exceeded those of any conventional camera manufacturer.

4) The “Special” tone available to users of Nokia phones when receiving SMS (text messages) is actually Morse code for “SMS”. Similarly, the “Ascending” SMS tone is Morse code for “Connecting People,” Nokia’s slogan. The “Standard” SMS tone is Morse code for “M” (Message).

5) The Nokia corporate font (typeface) is the AgfaMonotype Nokia Sans font, originally designed by Eric Spiekermann. Its mobile phone User’s Guides Nokia mostly used the Agfa Rotis Sans font.

6) In Asia, the digit 4 never appears in any Nokia handset model number, because 4 is considered unlucky in many parts of Southeast/East Asia.

7) Nokia was listed as the 20th most admirable company worldwide in Fortune’s list of 2006 (1st in network communications, 4th non-US company).

8. Unlike other modern day handsets, Nokia phones do not automatically start the call timer when the call is connected, but start it when the call is initiated. (Except for Series 60 based handsets like the Nokia 6600)

9) Nokia is sometimes called aikon (Nokia backwards) by non-Nokia mobile phone users and by mobile software developers, because “aikon” is used in various SDK software packages, including Nokia’s own Symbian S60 SDK.

10) The name of the town of Nokia originated from the river which flowed through the town. The river itself, Nokianvirta, was named after the old Finnish word originally meaning sable, later pine marten. A species of this small, black-furred predatory animal was once found in the region, but it is now extinct.

Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American
girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very
well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he
could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would
depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you
have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She is going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf
in the bathroom.

I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover."

Tattoo is out dated. The IN thing now...body implants! yucks!

Pictures from the Hubble Telescope

38 pictures shared

Funny Pics

A Fish Story

A resident in the area saw a ball bouncing around kind of strange in a nearby pond and went to investigate. It turned out to be a flathead catfish who had obviously tried to swallow a child's basketball which became stuck in its mouth!!

The fish was totally exhausted from trying to dive, but unable to because the ball would always bring him back up to the surface. The resident tried numerous times to get the ball out, but was unsuccessful. He finally had his wife cut the ball in order to deflate it and release the hungry catfish.

You probably wouldn't have believed this, if you hadn't seen the following pictures...

Album name: My Days 4/4/06 5 pictures shared

wanna loose weight?

One fat guy - goes to a popular GYM sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying "If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"God, I was so! close to catching her. If I had a little more time... So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door when it opens. Out comes a Gorilla with a sign, "If I catch you, you're mine."

Company Policy

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise .

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

It is rare and beautiful.

What an INSANE beach to visit!!!

These are some photos of St Marteen Airport, French West Indies. The planes impress most people on the beach, flying over just seconds before touching down at Princess Juliana airport. Paradise for the beach lovers, having a lovely tropical beach, and for the aviation fanatics that spends hours on end observing the very low flying skills of giant commercial plane pilots.

12 Boeing 747s operate daily to St. Marteen. The heavy jumbo is the most impressive of all and attracts the looks of everybody around...

This photo, from inside one 747 of Air
France, shows how close the beginning of the runway is to the road and beach at St. Marteen.